How the Church lost the debate on Homosexuality

For the most part, I am very optimistic about the Church’s ability to overcome problems, reach people and be a salt and light presence in the world, even if I do criticize what I perceive to be short-comings in these efforts. That being said, when it comes to the Church and the homosexual community, I’m not so optimistic. I’ve seen the rejection and hate that some within the Church show homosexuals. I’ve seen otherwise grounded Christians freak about homosexual issues that present themselves. And most devastatingly I’ve seen two friends who were Christians turn completely away from the faith because they felt that there was no place in the Church for them. These experiences have left me entirely skeptical and bit worried about the Church’s ability to recover from her faults in this area. I see three areas in which I think the Church has lost the debate already. If we are to reenter the debate in any meaningful way, these are the three areas we will have to address. And then we’ve only scratched the surface—we’ll have years of trying to repair relationships that might be strained beyond repair, save only by miracle.

OUR DOUBLE STANDARD: How we made it “special”

We made a double standard for homosexuality. While many other sins can be addressed with calm, rational, biblical, and loving approaches, many within Christian circles go on high alert when they hear anything about homosexuality. Instead of loving and biblical approaches, we either run away in a dead panic, or pull out the bio-hazard gear and handle the situation as if it might be toxic enough to wipe us all out. Imagine the difference in these two situations. A man walks into your church on a Sunday, sits through the service, and at the end of the service tells people that he is an alcoholic, but desperately wants to come to know Christ. Now, imagine that two men enter your service and at the end they tell people they are a gay couple and they want to come to know Christ. The tension would be palpable. I have a feeling that in many churches the alcoholic would be led to Christ and would be encouraged to seek treatment, while the gay men would be told that they need to stop living a homosexual lifestyle (no relapses or mess-ups allowed) and then led to Christ. Some sinners need grace and forgiveness, and the Holy Spirit to change them from inside out, others (homosexuals) need to change on their own and then can get grace and the Holy Spirit.

Furthermore, we have maintained a double standard (not in theory, but in practice) for what is sin and what is temptation. If an alcoholic feels attracted to booze, we call it temptation. If a man is attracted to another man, we call that sinning. A homosexual who becomes a Christian is supposed to experience immediate release of any temptation (and if they ever give in to temptation, we’d probably kick them out of the church). A non-Christian homosexual is deemed a special kind of sinner because their every thought in this regard is sinful. (I differentiate between willful sin and something caused by sin’s corruption of the created order—I mean, here, willful sin.) The Bible’s prohibitions on homosexuality have nothing to do with orientation, but all to do with actual actions. Homosexual orientation, or more appropriately homosexual temptation, is not in and of itself willful sin.

If we are going to have any ministry among homosexuals, we’ll have to drop our double standard. Sin is sin, and it is nasty, but all of it was dealt with on the cross. Our savior had no such double standards.

OUR SEXUAL MISCONCEPTIONS: How we made it hopeless

The Church went from not talking about sex at all, to talking up how great faithful, marital sex is. We’ve talked it up so much that we’ve bought in to a pattern of thinking that anyone who does not get to experience this would be an incomplete person. And since we’ve bought into the notion that when Christ said He had come to give us life and life to the full, He must have been talking about the exact set of things that we feel constitute life to the full (sex being on the top), we are hardly ready to tell anyone that they can’t have sex. We tell the teenager to endure these years, because marriage is coming (wait for sex). We tell the single adult, you’ll meet the right person soon; you just got to work at it a bit (strive for sex). We tell the homosexual, one day you’ll miraculously change, and you too will enjoy marital sex (change for sex). Sex is definitely at the end of the equation for you, we just have to figure out the right path, after all, we can’t leave you an incomplete person forever.

What about a model of understanding that gives merit to the idea of life-to-the-full without sex? What hope do we give to the celibate, homosexual Christian who does seem to be able to throw off the 20, 30, or 40 years of ingrained patterns overnight in order to become a candidate for healthy, heterosexual marriage? What if a person like this won’t live to see this drastic change? We seem to only be able to point to examples of Christians who have been able to make this change, but many voices are now expressing doubt as to whether every person will be able to make this change (though they may be able to live sinlessly). Do we have ministries in the Church to help people live life to the full without sex, without a heterosexual marriage? Or are we so blinded by our version of life-to-the-full, that we can only tell people “wait, strive, or change” instead of “live it now” in Christ.

We must regain a firm understanding that saying “no” to unbiblical sex is, well, biblical even if that means a life of no sex. But if we want to offer hope to homosexuals both in and out of the Church, we must understand and teach that a “no” doesn’t mean a second-rate life. An interesting article that touches on this can be found here.

OUR MISPLACED AGENDA: How we made it “us versus them”

Probably in large part because we made it “special,” we have turned the issue into a relationship so antagonistic as to be down-right sinful. When the Church covered her eyes and ears and began to hum really loud, instead of seeking to learn and understand; when we decided to control homosexuals with legislation, instead of reaching them with the gospel; when we responded to them with fear, anger and hate, instead of love; we played right into a trap. We added fuel to flame that was galvanizing the homosexual community’s identity. And while we’ve chosen to argue about orientation, genetics, and legalities, they have chosen to emphasize identity. We’ve done nothing but reaffirm their conception of their identity. In fact, a group with a strong identity is much easier to attack, than individuals with an amorphous connection. So we made it “us versus them.”

In the process we forgot all about one of the most fundamental questions we purport to answer: Who are we? We are God’s creation. We are loved and cherished by Him. We are sought after by Him. We are sinners to whom He has offered salvation. This is the true identity of every person on earth.

Homosexuals often find their homosexuality to be a huge part of their identity. This identity, they feel, is under constant attack by the Church. So why would you ever step foot in place that attacks your very identity? If we are going to be relevant to the gay community in any way other than antagonism; if we are going to love the sinner but hate the sin, we are going to have to lovingly set the record straight on identity. Until we do, we’ve lost before we’ve even started. Could you imagine a committed American soldier having any inclination to join a group of terrorists hell-bent on destroying American soldiers? I would argue that most gays would feel the same way about joining the Church. We must differentiate between actions/lifestyles and identity. They are not first and foremost homosexuals; they are loved and sought-after creations of God. This is part of the scandal of the gospel—what you do is not who you are in the eyes of God, it is instead what He has done that makes you who you are.

OUR HIDDEN POWER: How we made it this far

My only optimism is in the Holy Spirit who seems to work in the hearts of believers in order to prepare the Church for each big challenge. If only we will listen and heed Him. It seems as if more and more within the Church are rising up to meet this challenge with wisdom and love. We have seen homosexuals come to know Christ and even change, and this we can certainly admit is by no stellar efforts on our part as a whole, but by the efforts of the Spirit through individuals who chose to listen and obey. Holy Spirit, breathe of the living God, renew us and all the world.